Have you heard about the Grapple (pronounced, they say, “Grape-L”, although every time I see that I think of a vintner’s mailing list). The Grapple is, I’d heard, a hybridized apple crossed with a grape (“Must have been a pretty big grape, haw haw,” I can hear the redneck contingent saying).

Intrigued – in that morbid, can’t tear your eyes away from an accident sort of way – I just had to try the Grapple just to see what it was like.

So, seeing a 4-pack of Grapples at the store, I bought them. I was – curious. As i opened the package, the smell hit me first. It smelled like… a cross between, hmmm, grape Kool-aid and Grape Crush. With maybe a little bit of grape cough syrup thrown in.

The point was, this was not a grape smell that came from nature.

Then we actually looked at the ingredients.

“Apples, Natural & Artificial Grape Flavor”

Aaaah.

Or, more to the point, ewwwww.

Still, I’d bought the things, and so we had to try them. Once we got past the smell.

And, in fact, the smell was all there was.

“Do you actually taste any grape?” asked our son.

“No, do you?”

“No.”

The smell – artificial at that – seemed to be all there was that was even remotely grape-like about these poor, abused Fuji apples.

So how do they do whatever it is they do? (And for the sake of all that is holy, why do they do it??)

Says the Grapple site, “This Patent Pending process is complex and the ingredient mix primarily includes concentrated grape flavor and pure water. All ingredients are USDA and FDA approved and the process has been licensed by the Washington State Department of Agriculture. There is nothing but flavor being infused into the Fuji apple. The apple takes on no additional sugars or calories. They are not genetically altered in any way.
The apple is as healthy as ever but now has the new exciting grape flavor.”

Best as I can tell, and I see nothing to refute it above, they have sprayed otherwise perfectly nice apples with a mixture of grape flavour and artifical grape flavour.

Final analysis?

Don’t bother.

Unless, of course, you’re morbidly curious.

The Grapple, from the Evil Orchard of Dr. Moreau:

I’m not exactly sure why yet, but for some reason I find this..interesting:

“A research group found that people only became lactose-tolerant within the last couple thousand years. The group found that as humans evolved they grew tolerant to milk. Dr Mark Thomas of the University College London said, “This is probably the single most advantageous gene trait in humans in the last 30,000 years.” ”

The report goes on to say that “Mainz University scientists in Germany and the UCL team studied the DNA of Neolithic skeletons from 5480BC to 5000BC. They found that lactase, an enzyme which breaks down lactose — one of the main sugars milk contains, was absent from the DNA. Only later did humans begin to develop the enzyme. Thomas said, “The ability to drink milk is the most advantageous trait that’s evolved in Europeans in the recent past.” ”

So this is news?

The world is agog today with news that researchers in Africa have observed chimpanzees fashioning spears, and using the weapons to hunt and kill food.

Particularly interesting were these observations, reported in the Washington Post:

“The landmark observation also supports the long-debated proposition that females — the main makers and users of spears among the Senegalese chimps — tend to be the innovators and creative problem solvers in primate culture.”

However, perhaps less welcome was this description of exactly how these female use their “creative problem solving”. Describing how the female used the spear against a sleeping bushbaby, one researcher said:

“It was really alarming how forceful it was,” adding that it reminded her of the murderous shower scene in the Alfred Hitchcock movie “Psycho.” “It was kind of scary.”

‘Nuff said.

I don’t know about you, but I found it striking to see not one …not two …but three Mercedes ..in a row …all queued up at the Starbucks drive-thru.
I’m sure there’s a great caption in here somewhere… got any suggestions?

Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s also our anniversary. And a lovely one it was!

We started the day by exchanging gifts. This year was our copper or wool anniversary. My darling husband planted a trail of gifts for me starting with a pot of miniature roses, then a hand-hammered copper vase with handmade copper roses (our son gave me a special copper penny 🙂 ), and then a certificate for him to plant and train jasmine and bougainvillea over the arbor bench which he gave me for our last anniversary! (The jasmine and bougainvillea were waiting for me outside.)

For dinner, as we always do on our anniversary, we had dinner at the restaurant where we had our first date, and where we had our wedding dinner. (Well, it’s actually the second of two locations – the first location, where we actually met, has since closed. But it’s still special to us.)

Then we went home and had cake – the same cake we had for our wedding, from the same bakery. It’s called a Swedish Princess cake, and it’s wonderful (and gorgeous for wedding cake). Sponge cake layered with custard and raspberry filling, topped with whipped cream, and enrobed with marzipan. Yummy! And, well, very special to us.

I hope that everyone had as lovely a Valentine’s Day as did we!
Here are some pictures:

The next time you go to an upscale restuarant and ask for some water, don’t be surprised if they bring you a water menu. No, I’m not making this up. Don’t be surprised, either, that the price per bottle would suggest that there should be something more than H20 in the bottle. And in fact, in some cases thars gold in them thar bottles.

Explains the press release of one bottled water company which does, in fact, market a bottled water with gold in it (au Le Cadeu), “People once believed that water was water. Not so. Now you have different types, different flavors, different brands, different claims, different prices, etc., etc. The market is fierce in competition.”

As the water connoisseur magazine (no, I’m not making this up either), Fine Waters, explains, “Water Menus, similar to wine lists, are not just a listing of all available brands. Creating a water list is a selective process that matches the direction of the food menu created by the chef with the right natural bottled water choices to affirm or contrast the food. Like wine, natural waters come from a unique source, they have terroir and have a story and often a long history attached to them. They are very special.”

Uh, ok.

Sounds like a load of bollocks to me. But then what do I know?

Not much, apparently, because this is big business, and my failure to appreciate the subtle distinctions between Aqua Viva and Aqua Velva notwithstanding, I guess there must be a lot of people willing to pay a lot of money for not much water.

Somebody must have seen them coming.

They are the kind of people to whom this quote from Fine Waters speaks:

“Apollinaris is sparkling mineral water with 100% source carbonic acid which means no artificial CO2 is added to the water. Due to the volcanic activity in the Eiffel the water here is particularly rich in minerals, as the magma below the aquifer continuously gives off carbon dioxide. This combines with the water and increases the solubility of minerals. With a robust TDS of 2650 and a FineWaters Balance | Classic, Apollinaris is a substantial water perfect with crispy/crunchy food, meats and game.

You probably don’t want to drink Apollinaris if you order Sushi or other delicate flavored food, especially fish dishes. Spa with a TDS of 33 and a FineWaters Balance | Still is a much more appropriate choice as it does not overpower the delicate flavors and matches the mouthfeel much better.”

Wow.

Do I ever feel low class now. (Of course, that has nothing to do with my failure to appreciate the finer waters in life.)

Anybody want to join me in a bottled water venture? I’m thinking of something light on the tongue, with a faint musty backwash and a hint of lavender. We’ll call it L’eau Accroupie de Singe.