Today I lost it. It’s true, and I’m ashamed to admit it, but I lost it. Months of being laid up and impeded with an injured back, having had no time – at all – to myself, everybody wanting and needing something from me (customers, employees, my husband, my children – I mean, I love them all – well, ok, I love my huband and my children) and I have had literally zero time for myself.
And so I lost it.
And I said a bad word, and it traumatized our son.
The bad word that I said was “damn”.
Now, I feel terrible for how upset our son was. But even through the haze of my guilt, I have to wonder if this highlights a ray of hope – does the fact that the word “damn” was such a dramatic departure from my usual language and demeanor mean that I’m actually not that bad a mom?
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That’s a bad word? Oh my- my children will need intensive care.
In all honesty, and many will disagree with this, I gave them full license to swear without reprisal. I explained that in certain situations you shouldn’t do it or you will be viewed a “crude individual”. e.g. if they do it in school they will get punished I am sure.
Now that they have a certified license to say naughty words- they simply don’t do it by choice (perhaps because it isn’t taboo) and usually chastise me for my language.
I’m not sure how I feel about this: on the one hand I agree with your commenters, that sooner or later he’s going to start hearing ugly words, ugly concepts, etc. On the other hand, I can also understand how if you don’t swear, ever, that your son would be shocked to hear you do so. I don’t know enough about your life and what he is exposed to to begin to have any kind of valuable opinion.
One thing I can say, though, is that I act of the first comment: give yourself space to be human, and perhaps maybe you need to find some way to take some time for yourself before you go insane.
You better hope that son of yours doesn’t wander within 150 feet of an active construction site. He might become comatose. 🙂
Seriously, cuss words are just that. They are words that express exactly how we feel at a moment in time. Damn could have just as easily been coined as dabla hundreds of years ago. So had you said “Dabla it!”, your son would have had the same reaction.
It is natural to curse, it is unnatural to restrain oneself and hide feelings. Your future outbursts are probably a good thing as they would help educate your son for what is just around the corner – The Real World. It is indeed an ugly place, and people can be shielded from it for only so long.
Oh, for heavens’ sake, Anne! Cut yourself some slack!! You’re actually entitled to be human! 🙂 And that even teaches the kids the right message, of taking care of yourself, and that nobody’s perfect. Don’t worry; be happy!