I hereby announce the opening of the Starbucks haiku thread. Please submit your Starbucks haiku below.
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I’ll start:
Cool smooth sweet top skin
Brown moist tender joy below
Maple oat nut scone
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Let the spirit move
Starbucks Barrista
Connect discover respond
Be legendary
Tall, grande, venti–
What in the world was wrong with
Small, medium, large?
Truly crap coffee
Price is daylight robbery
Others offer more
Never had a cup!
What is the big attraction?
I drink juice instead.
HOME BREW
Toastmaster grinder
Behold! A fine powdered gold
The mills of the gods
Teaspoon disolving acid brew
over-priced thick throat gluck
Where the diner was
Super America
Half filled with dark roast
Vanilla capuccino
24 ounces – all mine
ETERNITY
Brain fog when I rise
Stumble toward my maker
Mr. Coffee slow
Oh, and I remember this haiku from years ago — but it wasn’t about Starbucks, just a mediocre coffee shop on campus:
“It pisses me off —
they always scald the milk here!”
“Just get espresso.”
This isn’t a Haiku, but it is Starbucks-inspired non-rhyming poetry… several months ago, I suddenly realized just how many trochees they have on their menu…
vente double decaf latte
grande mocha cappucino
etc. etc.
it was all reminding me of Hiawatha
(By the shores of Gitche Gumee,
By the shining Big-Sea-Water,
etc.)
So…
At the Palo Alto Starbucks
(not the one near town and country,
but the one on el camino —
close to where it crosses meadow
ordered nonfat decaf latte
at the counter the barrista
asked me did I want that vente?
no, I said, just give me grande
grande nonfat decaf latte —
maybe could you make that double?
double grande nonfat latte?
nonfat decaf double latte?
sure she said, that’s no problemo
very soon they called my name out
telling me my drink was ready,
quickly I ran up and got it
I ran up and got my latte
got my latte from the counter
took my latte to the table
took it to the little table
where they keep the sprinkly sugar
and the stir-rods, and the holders,
(cardboard sleeves to guard ones fingers
from the burning heat of coffee)
then I sprinkled chocolate on it
sprinkled chocolate on my latte
flecks of ghiradelli chocolate
sprinkled onto nonfat milkfoam
…..
I should go on, but then I ran out of steam (r-r!)
A boring night class,
The teacher drones on and on….
Triple Latte, Please!
Teaching at night school,
Ungratefull students bore her….
Triple Latte, Please!
Students and Teachers
Why not just meet at Starbucks?
Triple Latte, Please!
Since the one in my town is the local teen hangout and has a window seat outside, we get:
Teenagers’ feet block-
ing sidewalks, frappuccinos,
stinking cigarettes
I went to Starbucks
“Do they have wireless here?”
No. They have latte.
Where’s the aroma?
It’s only the roasted taste,
so uninteresting.
Cookie cutter stores
Boring, soulless little shops
And the coffee’s gross
Frapuccinos suck
We slurp empty calories
No wonder we’re fat
Only game in town
Since they ran the cool shops out
Man this stuff is crap
Need fix now, oh God
am crack whore, without the crack
where’s my i.v. drip?
yes, would love pastry
you upsell me like no other
you sweet barista
Mid-day pick me up
Triple grande latte please
Four bucks? Usury.
Morning work commute.
Lawrence and El Camino
Drive-through Starbucks. Mmmm.
Charred bean elixir
Legal crack for working man
I can quit right now
Hazelnut latte
Overpriced addictive bean
Caffeinate my day
Three dollar coffee?
Drink all you want – please drink MORE!
I’m a stock holder
No cuppa joe was that,
savvy marketing transformed it
into a five dollar brew.
The summer sun burns –
Over-roasted coffee beans,
They taste like burning
Traffic annoyance:
Hands shake, eyes shift, grouchy-puss.
That was no decaf.
Morning venti cup
Mocha chip frappuccino
Makes my wife’s toes curl
On ev’ry corner
Sirens beckon, hear their call
World domination