From a USA Today headline: Feds Probe Why Singer Allowed on Jet
…because everyone knows that one of the highest security risks in commercial aviation today is that everyone might burst into a round of Kumbaya, rendering the crew somnambulent.
[Ok ok, I realize that with the common knowledge that Yushuf Islam (nee Cat Stevens) was ordered off a U.S. bound plane and returned to Britain takes some of the humour out of this line.]
There is just something wrong about the phrase “a potpourri of guns”, don’t you agree?
Actually, more specifically, the phrase was “a potpourri of rifles, handguns and shotguns, including a Rugar Mini-14 assault rifle”. Still just…wrong, yes?
And hey, lest anyone think that I am not an equal opportunity pedant, I find equally wrong the phrase “an arsenal of flowers”.
But the first phrase actually exists, and comes from a news story about someone from San Francisco who was caught with..Jiminy…a pound of methamphetamines with a street value of approximately $30,000, a block of hashish and that potpourri of rifles, handguns and shotguns, including a Rugar Mini-14 assault rifle, and thousands of rounds of ammunition. Twenty-seven firearms in all.
The stash was discovered in the apartment of the suspect, close to a local Catholic high school.
One of our finest, always masters of understatement, opined that “It was far too many guns to have that close to a school.”
Which of course leads one to wonder: what is the cut-off? At what level is it not too many guns to have near a school? Is there a number which is “just the right amount of guns to have near a school”? How about “too few guns for being so close to a school”?
Of course, it is often open season on Catholic school girls.
[You can read more about this here.]
I was walking through a bookstore today, when I saw – I kid you not:
“The Idiot’s Guide to Communicating with Spirits”
I’m pretty sure that if you’re an idiot, they don’t wanna communicate with you.
Anne (I don’t think they meant semaphore with a bottle of Jim Beam)
In a new ad campaign which would be worthy of the Onion, if only it weren’t an actual campaign, the fast food chain Wendy’s has a new advertisement out which pictures two sandwiches clearly containing some sort of meat, with a caption which reads, and I kid you not, “Finally understand the phrase “Whoa, Nelly!”
Obviously this is the answer to “Dude, what’s that meat in the sandwich?”
No wonder poor old Clara Peller kept asking “Where’s the beef?”
Just found this lovely spam headline in my inbox this evening:
“The Penis Patch is amazing”
My first thought is “is this to patch a hole, like when you get a hole in an inner-tube?” Maybe it’s to patch a hole in a blow-up doll!
Or, maybe it’s a strap-on, like those eye-patches you get as a child for “lazy eye”. Imagine all those penises with their eye covered by a little black strap-on eye patch.
Or perhaps it’s a patch like a nicotine patch, and you slap that baby on and all of your cravings for penis are satisfied.
No matter which of these is correct, the visual images are pretty amusing!
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