Category: Observations

The Top 10 Reasons to Criminalize Homeschooling

I’m not sure where this originated – it came across our homeschooling list – but it was too good not to share (if anybody knows where it first appeared, please let me know!)

Top 10 Reasons to Criminalize Homeschooling

In an effort to increase the public drumbeat for criminalizing
homeschooling, a memo has been distributed containing the top 10
reasons why public schooling is better than homeschooling. Here is an
excerpt from that memo:

1. Most parents were educated in the under funded-public school system,
and so are not smart enough to homeschool their own children.

2. Children who receive one-on-one homeschooling will learn more than
others, giving them an unfair advantage in the marketplace. This is
undemocratic.

3. How can children learn to defend themselves unless they have to fight
off bullies on a daily basis?

4. Ridicule from other children is important to the socialization process.

5. Children in public schools can get more practice “Just Saying No” to
drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.

6. Fluorescent lighting may have significant health benefits.

7. Publicly asking permission to go to the bathroom teaches young people
their place in society.

8. The fashion industry depends upon the peer pressure that only public
schools can generate.

9. Public schools foster cultural literacy, passing on important
traditions like the singing of “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin
laid an egg…”

10. Homeschooled children may not learn important office career skills,
like how to sit still for six hours straight.

Man Arrested for Having Sex with Car Wash Vacuum Hose

Jason Savage of Saginaw, Michigan has been arrested for ..er… savaging a car wash vacuum hose.

Yes, really.

Caught red..handed.. in the act by police, Savage complains that he is now unable to get a job, or even leave his house, so scorned is he by his fellow townspeople.

When asked “But why the car wash vacuum?” Savage explained that he’d actually been looking for one of those car washes where they do it by hand, but all he could find was a “touch free” car wash.

(Ok, I made that last part up, but the rest is absolutely true – you can read more about it here.)

New Spork Lets You Really Talk Out Of Both Sides of Your Mouth

This utensil could only have been invented by the Marquis de Spork. The typical spork, perhaps best known as the white plastic utensil that accompanies take out orders from KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken), is a spoon with tines like a fork at the tip.

But this masterpiece also has a serated edge for cutting built in.

As one of the sides of the fork!

WTF?!

Just take a look at this, and imagine actually using it on your next forkful of mashed potatoes.

Once.

Take a look:

By the way, if you want to see an hysterical treatment of sporks, in a great-for-kids movie (although warning, it does have a little bit of religious overtone), check out the Veggie Tales spoof of Lord of the Rings, called Lord of the Beans:

VeggieTales - Lord of the Beans

Google Earth Reveals Huge Alzheimers Medicine – er – Marijuana Farm

Police in Switzerland have made a serendipitous discovery of a marijuana farm, using Google Earth.

According to Norbert Klossner, head of Zurich police’s specialist narcotics unit, Swiss police officers were using Google Earth to locate the address of two suspects when they came across the nearly-two acre marijuana spread hidden within a corn field.

Said Klossner of the find, “It was an interesting chance discovery.”

No doubt it was simply some poor Swiss citizen hoping to keep granny from developing Alzheimers.

Daily Marijuana Use Could Prevent Alzheimers, But How Would You Know?

A new study published by professor Gary Wenk and associate professor Yannic Marchalant of Ohio State says that daily smoking of marijuana (dope, weed, grass, boo, Mary Jane – whatever you want to call it) can ward off Alzheimers.

What I want to know is, how would you know?

If you (or grandma – ewww!) is so doped up from the daily toke, how would you ever know that the cognitive faculties are otherwise not impaired?

“Like, man, the good news is that I remember how to get to the store. The bad news is that I’m too messed up to get up and drive there.

And, I have a wicked case of the munchies.”

I’ve Been Nominated for a Shorty Award!

I can’t begin to tell you how honoured I am to have been nominated for a Shorty Award in the “Amazing Womam” category! Thank you!!

Shorty Awards are given to the best producers of short content, i.e. the messages of 140 characters or less that are sent out on Twitter. In short (no pun intended!) Shorty Awards are given out to “honor the world’s top Twitterers”

Once someone is nominated, the winner is determined by whomever gets the most votes (additional nominations) submitted through Twitter.

If you would like to ‘vote’ for me (thank you!), here’s how to do it:

Go to Twitter* and send this exact message (including the @ and # symbols):

@shortyawards I nominate @AnnePMitchell for the #amazingwoman award because …

(and then fill in your own reason in place of the “…” 🙂 )

*If you don’t already have a Twitter account it’s very easy to sign up for one – just go to Twitter.com and sign up. Twittering is basically like one-to-many instant messenger. It’s easy and fun!

Thank you again, to those who have nominated me. I’m deeply honoured.

P.S. You can see how the voting is going here.

P.P.S. All votes must be in by midnight 12/31